Husband comes out as gay
My Husband Just Came Out as Queer . What He’s Asked Me to Act Next Is Baffling.
How to Do It is Slate’s sex advice column. Have a question? Send it to Stoya and Affluent here. It’s anonymous!
Dear How to Do It,
My husband just came out as male lover. It’s been shocking, but I’m even more shocked by what he wants to do about it.
He says wants us to last married until our youngest child leaves for college. In the meantime, he says we are both free to pursue partners of our choosing. While I am of course deeply saddened at the loss of my husband as a romantic partner, I love him enough to want him to be free to be himself, even if that means not creature with me in that regard. However, our youngest child is I don’t long to wait nearly a decade before we can officially move on. What if one or both of us were to meet someone and want to get married to them? How can I get my husband to see what he is suggesting is not a realistic approach?
—Starting Over
Dear Starting Over,
Maybe the way to stare at this is you consider “remain married” as having an asterisk next to it. That’s
Coming Out When You&#;re Married: A Brave Journey
Jump To:
Self-Discovery
1. What language is mine?
2. My Internal Truth
3. Necessary Closets
4. Acknowledge Outdated Assumptions
Coming Out
Self-Care and Coping Strategies
Advice for Spouses and Loved Ones
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
She was so sincere in wanting to help her coming out husband. Wanting nothing more than for her husband to be happy and for their children to go through any transition smoothly, she was eager to acquire and love. It took her husband quite some time to make it in to our sessions because he was terrified that was would generate his family pain.
For a variety of legitimate reasons, coming out to your spouse can be a very scary and challenging process, to say the least. You’ve built a life with someone, and the idea of unraveling and abandoning that history can leave your primary nervous system paralyzed. Perhaps you are considering if the benefits of coming out really outweigh the costs.
To help create accord of mind and detect resolution, let me define a couple of moving parts
Discovering that your husband is gay or queer can be a life-altering experience. It can trigger a tidal wave of emotions—shock, confusion, grief, betrayal, and even wrath. The emotional impact can be even more profound for women who identify themselves in this position in midlife. Years invested in a marriage, intertwined finances, and potentially grown children add another layer of complexity to an already devastating situation.
Ultimately, how you choose to change position forward is a deeply personal decision that requires careful consideration and self-reflection. While the journey may be difficult at times, approaching the situation with empathy, compassion, and a commitment to open contact can help pave the way for a positive outcome, whatever that may look like for you and your husband.
Here are some steps to think about when your husband comes out as gay or queer.
What To Do When Your Husband Comes Out As Gay
Perhaps you had a feeling that your partner was not entirely straight, as many individuals in heterosexual relationships may still have attractions elsewhere,
How to Cope When Your Companion Affirms a New Sexual or Gender Identity
The revelation that your partner has a different sexual or gender identity from the one you've come to understand and love — and the implications that will have for your relationship — can be a lot to deal with.
To the person learning the news, it might feel like the other person has been harboring a secret, and this may feel like a betrayal, says Avigail Lev, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at Bay Area CBT Center in San Francisco who works with both couples and individuals.
She says it can lead to the same feelings you might experience if a partner cheated on you or lost a lot of capital gambling, especially if the other person kept other relationships or feelings from you, she says.
But not every partner who reveals a different sexual orientation or gender identity was hiding something, says the relationship counselor Martha Lee, a doctor of human sexuality and a sexologist in Singapore certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).
People can discove